There’ll be no other. RIP Michael Jackson.

I am only human. When I make mistakes and say stupid things, the guilt consumes me so much, so much that I want to sew my lips together. When you walked off like that, for the very first time since the day we got together, I thought I was going to die. I stood at the platform and stared at the glass doors blankly, feeling my soul slowly start to wither. Suddenly I don’t know what to do. And my body is just flesh, that’s all. Seeing you angry and knowing that I made you angry, breaks my heart. And I know. I know that this is all my fault. You have a right to be angry, and I accept it. I’ll just be here, till your anger disappears. Doesn’t matter how long. I just love you.

You know the best part about today?

I didn’t even get to say a proper bye.

A hasty pack up that resulted in me forgetting to take some of my things, handshake and hug and a quick taxi send off.

It tells a lot.

It tells so much that I don’t even feel sore about how to go about finding another job or decide whether to drop it all and go back to school. You could not put the phrase “wrong perspective” in a better light.

Oh, I’ll definitely be alright.

You question why I can understand his thoughts, his opinions, why he behaves the way he does. You ask how I can see from his point of view, why I can’t live without him. Yet you don’t ask yourself why. Why all this is so.

Because you don’t understand the connection.

“It’s these small things that you remember, little imperfections that make them perfect… for you.”

When I was very much younger, I asked my mother “Mummy, how come my head has a dent on the left?” And she replied,”that’s because they had to suck you out of me while I was giving birth to you. And the dent stayed.” Then she ruffled my hair and smiled at me.

“Oh.”. I looked up at her and smiled back.

Now I realize, the dent stayed not because I had to be sucked out, but because I’ve not been selfish enough, I’ve not said “no” enough. With a smile in my heart and on my face, I always say “yes”, “sure”, “no problem”. Always giving in like the loser that I am, and yet always feeling it’s okay when other people say “no” to me.

For being nice, I’ve let people walk all over me.

Now this perpetual dent is never going to disappear.

After all the talk about wanting to vote earth for one hour, and having people state reasons to warrant the act of turning off lights as stupid, why don’t you just take a step back,

3 days ago, I checked the mail after returning home from work, and I saw an evelope addressed to me. And there it was, when I opened it. The debit card I had just applied for.

And then in the lift I realized - Why did I even apply for this card?

In the space of 2 weeks of happily applying and then waiting and now receiving it, this has turned into another stupid piece of plastic in my wallet, one that I probably won’t even use because I don’t know what to buy.

It’s ironic, this disgust I feel for an inanimate object that’ll grant me anything I want, and not need.

Appeared on booooooom.com